"I'm scared, Girl. Scared for you.""I'm not. I'm ready for this.""I feel like I should have left you out there. There was a certain comfort to your faithful efforts.""Don't be afraid for me. I've been waiting for this for years, and there isn't anyone else that I'd want with me at the end besides you.""Aren't the moments right now, slipping through your hands, making you crazy?""No, the moments that made me crazy are moments that never were. And I cannot imagine something more painful than continuing to live those moments, over and over, no answer or truth in sight."
"What should I do with you when it's over Girl? Where do you want to be?""I know right where I'll be; you won't need to worry about that.That's the beauty of getting to plan your goodbye. I'm going to go back to Texas, and I'm going to be leaning up against Boy, dancing with him in that bar, the bar that didn't have a roof, under that star filled sky, my head rested on his shoulder, his hand on the small of my back. And that's where I'm going to stay, always. There. Swaying in that moment, with him, forever. Blissfully unaware of anything but happiness and friendship and the fact that he was my very best friend. And, most importantly, although I love you Jenn, blissfully unaware that you were about to exist."
that girl.
that beautiful girl dancing under the stars,
sweet and pretty in her innocence.
but the woman is is stunning and wise.
one leads to the other and back again.
swirling watercolors.
tears and memory.
In your vunerability there is strength and beauty. Whatever happens that will remain.
You have all of my love and hope, resting right there in your hands. Love you, Jenn.
Keep going ... forward.
it is hard to journey past and future. the questions of how the two intertwine, or don't is worthy. and the question of how to heal never has a simple answer.
write on, Jen..... it is, you are beautiful.
I wonder often how many girls are inside all of us. Another fine edition.
These posts ('cause I went all the way back to the My Three Sons) (and I am perplexed as to who that is). Anyway. They leave me sort of floating these posts. And the image of a roofless bar under the stars and his smell.
wow. what a punch.
I hope truly that all your hopes and wishes come true.
Best of luck with your journey. I believe risks always pay off somehow, whether you know it or not at the time it happens.
Hugs!
Kat
And sometime the end of one thing can bring the beginning of another.
I hope you find the answers you need.