Karma

Last week when I went to pick up Big A from her gymnastics practice at 7:00 p.m., I was informed that there was a parent's meeting, that night, at a local hotel conference room, at 7:15. In a panic I called her dad, did he know anything about it, was he coming? He had forgotten to tell me, and no, he couldn't make it. I looked at Little A, all pink and perfect in her pajamas and at Big A, who was near a panic attack at the thought of neither of her parents attending. We got in the car and headed to the hotel. While driving, I was praying that Little A would make it through--she goes to bed at 7, and she needs to be in bed at 7, or else she gets a little wacky.

We got there, and I stood in the back of the room w/Little A while Big A went and played with her friends at the play area. I let Little A down in the back of the room to crawl around. She was enjoying demonstrating her great crawling abilities and I followed behind her as she wore herself out. She was being near saintly--not making a peep, just crawling. As we turned around and headed back to the other side of the room, there were two moms sitting on a couch, the volunteers that checked us in. One of them looked at Little A and than at the other and said, "I guess someone's never heard of a babysitter".

I'm not sure if it was because Eviction Day was the next day, or if it was because I'd been up since 4:15 a.m. and was exhausted, or because I was just so stunned that someone could be so bitchy, but I instantly felt the sting of tears in my eyes and picked up Little A and headed out the door. To the other mom's credit, she turned beet red when she realized that I'd heard her. I kept myself semi-composed until we got to the car, then I lost it.

Yes, I've heard of babysitters, they spend more time with my children than I do, and I actually pay them to do this. I've also heard of deadbeat dads, exhaustion, being at the end of your rope, and I've also heard of practicing kindness and empathy, apparently all topics that she missed. I wasn't proud that someone so little made me feel so small, but she did.
I went through the conversation that I would have with her the next time that I saw her:

"Do you know that I went home that night and cried all night"?
"Do you know that on that night, a night I could have used an ounce of kindness more than you could ever know, I could barely drive home because I was crying so hard"?

I won't have any of these conversations with her, I know this about myself, because I genuinely believe that for a person to treat another with such disregard and judgment, they must be pretty miserable themselves. And I'd hate the thought of me causing someone to walk blindly to their car in the rain and put their head on their steering wheel and sob like a baby in front of their children. That's what helps me sleep at night, even if I fall asleep crying.

Note From the Dog

Dear Mom,

We need to talk. Now. Please put down the children and ignore the laundry, and while you're at it, go ahead and toss that graham cracker right over this way.

First, I'd like to compliment you on all that you do for me. I love the walks and treats, plates to lick, the creature that you hired to sit in a highchair and toss me snacks, and especially love that you still let me curl up next to you under the covers after all of these years, and the perfect little air hole that you create for me to stick my nose out. I love the doggy park, belly rubs and even some of the songs on the radio that you leave on for me all day.

Despite all of your wonderful qualities, we need to have a very serious discussion right now.

I've been losing sleep lately over this, (OK, 15 minutes might not be a lot to you, but in dog years, it's enough to throw your day out of whack) and so today while I carefully nudged off the newspaper that you left on the couch so that I wouldn't get on it (so cute; "A" for effort) and sunned myself, I finally decided to just let you know that I've become aware of your evil plans for me, and I'm telling you now, I want no part of it. I've been a faithful and loyal dog; why would you want to do this to me? Hear me loud and clear:

I AM NOT GOING TO DRESS UP AS A FISH FOR HALLOWEEN!!! BANISH THE THOUGHT FROM YOUR HEAD!!

So you can take that little fish pattern for dogs and march it right back to the torturing facility that it came from, and then take the money and go buy me some treats. I don't really care how cute you think the snack thrower and Big A will look as mermaids, I am not an accessory. I sat passively by when you tied that mane around my neck and hung the "courage" badge from it, but this is where I must draw the line. Portraying the king of the animal world is one thing, pretending to be a fish ( PINK fish to boot) is entirely different, and it must be stopped.

I've not asked for much from you over these past 12 years, if you don't count the above mentioned items, but I'm going to have to put my paws down on this one.

Love,
The Smoosh

Daydreams

The lotto is up to $95 million tonight. I hardly ever spend money on anything like that, but today I am, just so that I can spend some time revisiting a favorite childhood habit: daydreaming. If I hit the lotto, I'd take home about $50 million in cash. Here's a list of some of the things I'd do with it, right off the bat:

• Pay off the mortgages of all of my friends and family
• Put in my two weeks notice
• Buy my parents an around the world trip, where they would stay only at 5 star resorts
• Start looking for land to begin my animal sanctuary where my friends could be employed
• Purchase michigan college funds for all of my relatives
• Build a hospice house

What would YOU do w/the money?