30 October 2007

Do You Know Me?

Do you know me? I believe that you think you do.

I just pulled out in front of you and you swerved around me; I bet I know what you were thinking. You didn't look over at me, but just the way you were gripping the steering wheel, staring straight ahead--been there. I swear to the Lord above I checked five times, but I guess I couldn't see you through the tears I was crying. You're not the only one that cries, lady.

Do you know me? Because you just walked by me like maybe you couldn't see me, pushing this shopping cart, asking for pop cans. I don't know how I got here, either, lady.

Can you hear me? Because I've asked you the same question about one hundred times today, mom, and most of the time, it's gone unanswered, other times, your answer, "What"? stings. It doesn't sound like the "I love you" that I usually get.

Did I offend you? Because when I came toward you and your daughter, holding out my hands, the look of terror on your face shocked me. I know I appeared tipsy, but actually, as my friend explained, just disabled. I know my words sounded frightening while calculating the pace I was coming at you, but, she was so cute, your baby. You're lucky, lady. I won't be having any babies of my own.

Did we fail you? Today you looked at us with disgust when you pinched your thighs. We've upheld you through a lot, you know. What does a little jiggle matter when we still work, hard, each day for you. And those stretch marks? Remember what your o.b. told you? How each day he saw women that would kill to be able to be pregnant and get those things? Remember that?

Dear God, please forgive me.

26 comments:

jen said...

oh wow.

and that's just today.

WhyMommy said...

I missed you. Sorry I've been gone for a while. I thought perhaps it would seem like a long time when I returned ... but it's only been a minute. A terrible, awful, sadness-filled minute, but I feel like I only just stepped away.

Your words brought me back. Brought me here. Hit me between the eyes.

You write so beautifully. But you think even more beautifully. I hope you know that.

Janet said...

Well said, as always.

slouching mom said...

Incredibly moving post, Jenn.

Amy York said...

Oh my gosh.
how do you do this, Jenn??
Holy cow...

flutter said...

I do you know you, I am you. We have failed you.

bubandpie said...

Wow. This post gives new meaning to the word "convicted."

justabeachkat said...

Your writing brings me to tears.

Hugs!
Kat

Ally said...

Great post, as always.

Jen M. said...

Wow. This was a wonderful post.

bgirl said...

do you see me?
see me flounder through days like you describe.

Family Adventure said...

I read and then re-read it. Twice.

Thank you.

Heidi

Jamie said...

Awesome as always Jenn!! Your words move me everytime I read them. I wish I knew you in person, you are absolutely amazing!

b*babbler said...

A beautiful post...

Kellan said...

Me too - God forgive me too.

MP said...

calming post...beautiful...provoking..brilliant

Paige said...

Found your blog via Kat. Your words inspire and convict. Blessings!

Paige

deb said...

I don't understand it but I can feel it. Does that make sense?

painted maypole said...

beautiful

Crow said...

Guilty as charged...

Anonymous said...
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Jennifer said...

This is just...amazing. You have such a hauntingly beautiful way with words.

jtcosby said...

Ouch. Thank you for the reminders!

B said...

Always a good read :-)

Christine said...

I've been so guilty of answering "What?" to my kids lately. When I answer at all. I've been so distracted with everything...thank you for reminding me how it stings them, and also that I'm not alone in my imperfections.

You are so talented.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Ouch,t hat post just cut right through me, but in a good, touching way.

Thank you for always being such a beautiful writer....