You lying little punk who sold me the navy blue paint that was an extra $12, insisting that it would cover in ONE COAT and that it was worth it because I wouldn't need a primer.
"Totally", to quote you as I raised my eyebrow in disbelief.
Yeah, it's three o'clock in the f-ing morning and I have to put on YET ONE MORE coat, which would make it coat FOUR--which would make it three over the "guaranteed" one coat that you sold me.
I hope beyond hope that your ass is working in the morning after I drop off Big A at school.
Because you WILL be looking up that "guarantee" and you will be refunding me my friggin' money, and if there happens to be another chickie-poo in there with a cut-off t-shirt in the dead of winter that causes your eyes and mind to wander while I'm trying to talk to you, I swear that I will smack you with the son-of-a-bitching paint can that I will have in my hand.
And that is a "guarantee".