01 March 2010

Milo Plots My Death

Clark and Lynn Most If you look closely you'll be able to see Milo the wonder-cat hidden within the confines behind my washer and dryer. Trust me, he's there, backed up against the wall as far as possible, plotting his escape. Seriously, he told me so:

ME: Milo, come out, Mr. Man. Kitty, kitty, kitty.

MILO: I am ignoring you. I've just survived a fire and the trauma of hiding in a small confined space there, and now, I'm here?

ME: Milo, it's me, Jenn, you remember me? All those nights you'd tap on my door with your come hither ways....all those nights we sat on the couch cuddling and typing resumes?

MILO: I remember you, Jenn. It's just that I'm a tad worried that you've gotten the wrong impressions from our time together.

ME: What?!

MILO: Look, I'm a free bird, I got lots-a girls. I thought we were cool until somehow I woke up here in your house. I don't know what you told my parents to convince them that I should stay with you, but just wait until I talk to them. And don't be goin' all Kathy Bates on me and trying to tie me to a bed and break my ankles with an axe.

ME: Milo, honey, it worked before, we can make this work again. Look, I made you your favorite dinner....albacore tuna fiesta. I even put it in this little dish for you.

MILO: Day-um, I am hungry. Saunters out, eats meal.

ME: Feel better now buddy?

MILO: Purring, well, I guess I could get in bed with you-but I gotta be clear--I'm a playa, this don't mean nothing to me besides having someone to get through the night with. You cool with that?

ME: Um, Milo, you're not allowed to leave the house, ever, so I'd think that would really impede upon your playa status.

MILO: That's only cause you don't know the skilz I have. Stray Cat Strut? They wrote it for me.

ME: I get it, Milo, I get it. You're the coolest cat ever.

MILO: Yeah, baby, you do got it. Now if you play your cards right, I'll let ya rub my back.

Serving The Queens Jennifer BarkoMILO: Don't be alarmed by the sinister swishing of my tail or the look in my eyes. Really. You're the favorite of my kitty calls honey. Just come over, pick me up and take me to the bedroom where we can snuggle like the old times. And when I'm gone in the morning baby, don't cry. Just smile when you think of me.

ME: Oh, Milo, anything for you.

(We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow, let's make it last, let's find a way.....)


MileHighDad said...

It takes a brave servant to post a photo of the workings behind their washer and dryer.

4 me? Not on your life baby!


Jennifer said...

What a handsome guy! Cats are just amazingly snobbish when they want to be. Then when you have something they want, they are your best friend. At least that's how mine are.

Sprout + Bean said...

Ahaha. This is divine.

luckyzmom said...

Poor, sweet, traumatized baby. Hope he purrs for you soon.