Signs of Certainty

Signs that a good time was certainly had by you the night before:

• You awaken from a dream of drinking gallons of water to find yourself on your couch, fully clothed, down to your ballet slipper shoes, and have no immediate recollection of how you actually got there.

• After squinting out of your contact laden eyes to assess the situation, hazy memories of a party with a band begin surfacing.

• You check your phone for drunk dials and hit yourself in the forehead, simultaneously assuring yourself you couldn't have sounded that bad.

• Upon rising, you wonder why your body is so sore. You honestly cannot imagine what you could have done until you go to pull your hair into a ponytail, then recollect making that same motion the previous evening. While you were playing basketball. Outdoors. For at least an hour. In ballet flat slippers. With a tall, athletic twelve year old boy. Who was sober.

• You drag your butt up your stairs, unglue the contacts from your eyes, have a wrestling match with your clothes while trying to remove them, and wonder if anyone else is feeling this sick as well. You believe it's a sign that you weren't that drunk since you are not vomiting, then recall actually doing that the night before. You blame it on motion sickness from riding in the back seat, and believe that was definitely the case, for when you moved to sit on the center counsel after aforementioned vomiting, you were fine.

• You lie semi-conscious on your bed and wonder how it was that not only yourself, but other very smart people, thought that another two gallons of margarita's was a good idea.

• You answer your phone laughing when your friend calls and announces that she's never going out with you again. You note her sexy, raspy voice, but then don't comment upon it when she mentions vomiting several times.

• Your poor designated driver friend, whom is always looking out for you and your queens, calls to see if you're alright. When you comment upon the haziness of awakening that morning, he tells you he didn't think you were going to make it up the stairs the night before, because when you hugged him goodbye, you almost tipped over. You cannot recall any of that. He notes that his wife is still sick and you wonder how many times he had to stop the van on the way home. You note to yourself that you must nominate him for sainthood.

• Your mouth waters at the thought of all of the carbs (mac and cheese, coke, french fries) you are going to need to consume today in order to properly treat your hangover.

• You keep randomly laughing out loud as more and more memories bring themselves to the surface.

• You thank God countless times that you have been so blessed with the friends in your life.