09 August 2007

Haunting

I'm being haunted.

I've got a ghost walking my halls at night, making the floorboards creak and curtains flutter in his wake.

I've been afraid to say it out loud, in fear of being called crazy or worse.

Finally, I said it to my friend, S, "Can you hear that? Because it's keeping me up at night."

"Yes", she said, "I hear that. But it doesn't mean it's real".

And so I laid there, very still last night, listening to each sound, analyzing each chill he causes in me when I sense his presence.

And then I thought, maybe she was right, thinking you hear something isn't proof of existence.

Maybe I've been visiting the grave of a stranger, leaving flowers for a man that I never even knew.

I'm not sure which is the scarier thought; knowing there's a ghost within my walls or realizing that after all this time, it was really just the wind making the curtains billow in the breeze.

18 comments:

Jonas said...

That ghost of yours, Jenn, has a soul I simply cannot fathom.

flutter said...

Tell him it is time to go home so you can rest.

slouching mom said...

The ghost.

Definitely.

Scarier.

Lawyer Mama said...

Jenn, I'm so sorry he's still haunting you. It's understandable, I guess. But knowing that doesn't make it any less painful, does it?

He's a fool.

JustMe said...

The good thing about ghosts? Every morning when the sun rises (...and it WILL keep rising), they go away. Plant your own garden. Decorate your own soul. And kick that bastard ghost to the curb!

AmandaD said...

I've long since stopped smoking, but the seductive pull tries to draw me back from time to time. I watch other people do it and it seems so easy, so harmless. Maybe it's all wrong. I say no and know that it is right, but still the fingers twitch and a waft of smoke ignites the ache.

I don't think it ever goes away, friend.

Mamma said...

I agree with your idea of greeting him and ushering him along his way.

My heart, though, it understands.

Wayfarer Scientista said...

ah, the ghosts... wish I had some useful advice but I don't.

MP said...

I think it may be a haunting. FINALLY my husband heard it..it sounds like a radio..it's voices. There is no radio on, and it comes from INSIDE the house...Yeahhhh. I'm sure he's friendly.

Janet said...

Ah, that was painfully moving to read. (I followed the links back too).

You are a strong, strong woman.

I hope you can exorcise the ghost. I do.

Her Grace said...

Letting him be a ghost may make it easier to forget his faults. Call that ghost out and size him up for what he is. In the light of day, he may not scare you so much.

Christine said...

I know all too well that question...was it what I thought it was, was he who I thought he was, or did I always have it wrong?

Jen M. said...

Jonas is right. Judging by your writing, your stories, and what I've read - this isn't about you or your beautiful little girl. There is a soul out there that is somehow damaged.

I don't know you (in real life that is) but I hurt for you, Jenn.

jen said...

i am with flutter...ask him/her nicely to givce you some space.

bgirl said...

my new virtual friend...i am scared of what haunts you too....can the ghost ever leave? i don't know. i see a ghost over here, a glint in my little dude's eye. i hear him in my little dudes footsteps....
i quit thinking that ghost will disappear, i just think (hope) eventually i won't mind him, since afterall, he is only a ghost.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh my...I don't know what to say. But one can be equally haunted by both a ghost and a memory. Neither is easy to banish, I know.

Belle-ah said...

Sometimes even the ghosts are more comfortable than emptiness? (((hugs)))

luckyzmom said...

I am sorry your ghost was not who you thought he was, who you wanted or needed him to be.