10 August 2007

Things That Go Lump in the Night

I woke up one day this week, and thought, "Hmmm, that feels odd".

And being of cautious (and hypochondriac--it's hereditary) mind, I made an appointment that very day.

Since my family doctor was out of town, I went to a different doctor in his office.

She performed an exam and told me I could put my bra and top back on, and that she'd be back in.

Minutes, maybe ten, passed when that little voice in my head told me maybe I wasn't imagining whispering outside of the door. Maybe it was really happening. And I clenched my hands together.

And about ten minutes after that, I nearly fell off the table when my arm slipped out from under me while I was leaning towards the door. Being paranoid does not make an already clumsy girl somehow graceful, you know.

And about twenty minutes after that, a knock in the door, but the person walking in first was not the doctor who had examined me.

"Hello, Jenn, I am Doctor X, Head of Something", I don't remember because simultaneously I was thinking, "this isn't good" and "why won't my first doctor look me in the eye"?

And so he asked me to remove my bra and top again so he could examine me.

And as he was there palpitating the lump in my breast, I was staring at the ceiling tile and through teary eyes, I thought, "oh, it kind of looks like stars in the sky". And then I thought, "oh, whymommy has a picture of stars in the sky on her blog". And then I thought, "I can't think anymore".

Doctor One and Two left, and told me to dress. They came back about fifteen minutes later, handing me a card for a needle aspiration biopsy. For today.

And so this morning, after putting on my new bling, I went for my appointment, where it didn't really go like I kept telling myself it would, and now, today, I am going back again. And I'm having surgery next week, as one of the doctors today told me that no matter the results of the biopsies, "the mass" in my breast would need to be removed, regardless.

And so when I'm stunned, I struggle to speak. And when he asked if I had any questions, all I could muster was a shake of my head. I'll ask them to my next doctor in a few minutes.

And I'm going to ask that you who believe, say a quick prayer.

And those that don't, for one minute, please do believe, and send up a quick prayer anyway.

121 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your blog has rendered me speechless other than to say that I will certainly be thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers. (I do believe in that stuff.) Kudos to you for knowing your own body and finding the lump.
~RBP

JustMe said...

Stay positive. Another thing that runs in the family? NOT having cancer. The "lumpy breast" thing is something all of us are prone to. It's smart of you to stay on top of it. XOXO ((HUGS))

CLC said...

Jenn-
Finally leaving a comment after lurking forever. You are once again in my prayers....

Amanda said...

Over and over again I shallpray.

Loving you sweets.

slouching mom said...

Oh, Jenn. Oh, no. I feel like hopping on a plane to Detroit.

Hey. E-mail me (slouchingmom@comcast.net) if you want. I'll give you my phone number. If you wake up in the middle of the night sad, or scared, or bewildered, or nothing at all, call me. Please?

Jenn. I have grown to care about you A LOT. Please, please know I will be thinking about you nonstop.

And that I am here, via e-mail or phone.

flutter said...

Jenn.

Not only prayers, but thoughts and and hugs and whatever you need whenever you need it, however you need it.

Want I should fly out and be your personal chef for the rest of your life? You got it.

Julie Pippert said...

You got it. In spades.

Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven

Jonas said...

Prayers on their way...

Mamma said...

Keep us posted. I'm so glad you got it checked. I'm sure you are terrified.

Positive thoughts and prayers being sent your way.

T with Honey said...

Although I want to break down crying for you right now I'm going to think positive thoughts and pray, pray, pray!!

InTheFastLane said...

I am sending as many prayers as I can. This must be completely overwhelming to all be happening so fast. Hang in there.

Janet said...

I don't know what I believe half of the time, but I do think you're a good person who doesn't need this in her life (does anyone?). So I will pray. And hope.

Nancy said...

Here from Slouching Mom.

I am so sorry. Sending prayers and virtual chocolate chip cookies your way.

MP said...

I was praying as I read. Why don't I do self exams, why am I 40 and never has a mammogram. Thank You, I am going to make an appointment today. Prayers will continue.

Kate said...

Jenn,
Today is my first reading of your blog, but please know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Kate

Orangeblossoms said...

I am praying for you.... Jen, with my whole heart and all of my energy.

love,
'Blossoms

Magpie said...

Oof. I'm so sorry about the lump. I hope the biopsy is good and the surgery is better and that all's well.

Jess Riley said...

Hello Jenn, I don't know you, but slouching mom mentioned your news on her blog. I'm so very sorry to hear they found a lump. Best wishes for a full and quick recovery.

BetteJo said...

Prayer sent - and good thoughts and wishes and vibes~

Amy York said...

Sending healthy vibes you way....

Lawyer Mama said...

No, Jenn, no!

I'm sure you don't need me blubbering in your comments, so I'll pull myself together and tell you that I'll be thinking of you and I won't stop thinking about you until I hear that you're OK.

Jennifer said...

Kudos to you for identifying this and seeking treatment immediately!

I'm saying prayers for you and really hope it turns out to be a benign mass. And, now I'm speechless.

Monica said...

I'm sending tons of prayers your way and I know some will find you. Be strong and visualize positive things.

NotAMeanGirl said...

I'm here from Lawyer Mama.... You are in my prayers hon. Here's to better days and better la... errr.. Here's to better days!!! (Why yes... I DO have a husband that says things like that and it DOES sneak into my conciousness... sigh. )

Blog Antagonist said...

My MIL had breast cancer five years ago. From that, I learned that the VAST majority of lumps are actually non-cancerous. I have every confidence that yours will be something mundane such as "fibrous breast sydrome" or the like. All my best wishes coming your way! And thanks for the award too. I'm truly touched!

zellmer said...

I don't pray. But I am praying for you.

Emily said...

Here from LawyerMama. Sending good vibes your way.

jess said...

You don't know me. Slouching Mom sent me. My prayers are with you [for you- surrounding you, and your family].

DD said...

Even if you can't think of questions now, call the moment you think of them. Even if it means calling the doctor a dozen times.

Lifting a special prayer for you for strength.

Her Grace said...

I'm going to second Justme's comment. Lumpy breasts run in the family, so we're just going to assume you've joined the club of family women with scars on their breasts where BENIGN lumps were removed (I have two.)

And as soon as I FIND YOUR DAMN PHONE NUMBER, I'm calling you.

jen said...

oh babe.

oh honey.

am sending you all the love and healthy vibes i can. i am also here offline if you need me. anytime.

sognatrice said...

Sending positive thoughts your way from southern Italy.

Ruth Dynamite said...

Hi Jenn. I'm here via Slouching Mom.

You will get through this - and we'll all be thinking of you. Hang in there.

bjover said...

Everything will be ok Jenn! Ill definitely say some prayers for u :-D

Heather said...

Also here via Slouching Mom, will be sending up most positive thoughts to the universe for you, even though we haven't met I'm pulling for you girl.
-Heather

Becc said...

Oh My Love.....

I agree with your sister "Positive thoughts". You know I pray for you and The Queens always, but I'll beg for a favor on this one.

I love you SO much!!!!

...on a happier note - I think you may have to quit your job to have time enough to read all of these comments! Outstanding!!!!

I love you.

PT-LawMom said...

Here via Lawyer Mama. Sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way. At least your doctors are moving fast to take care of it. My coworker had a very similar story recently and it turned out to just be a cyst. Hopefully you'll be able to look back at this scary situation and smile in relief soon.

thailandchani said...

Of course I am thinking very good thoughts for you....


Peace,

~Chani

deb said...

I'm saying a prayer for you Jenn and sending you a hug. I wish I could fix it. Hug your girls tight and remember all the good stuff you have.

deb said...

I think I wrote, hug your girls tight, I mean your daughters, not your boobs, although if you want to hug them, hey go for it:)

KC said...

You have my prayers, Jenn.

xoxo

sam said...

I'm here via LawyerMama.

Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

Nancy said...

Hi Jenn, I am here on Lawyer Mama's coat tails.

Well girl, I DO believe and I DO pray, and I just said one for you before I began to type.

^5 for aggressive action on your part and aggressive reaction on your doctors part.

Sending you good wishes =)

Her Bad Mother said...

Prayers, in spades.

xoxoxox

Sarah said...

Jenn--
My heart just stopped. I'm thinking of you. And if we were closer I'd be giving you a reassuring hug.
Loving the power of the internet tonight.
You're in my prayers, my blogging buddy.

liv said...

making the jump from slouching mom---sending you prayers and love.

xoxo

Tara said...

Thinking positive...

It's just a cyst

It's just a cyst

It's just a cyst

It's just a cyst

Prayers are on their way.

Jennifer said...

Jenn, brave of you to get checked so soon and strong of you to blog about it. May your outcome be all that we're hoping for.

Jennifer

Heather said...

I do pray. And I am sending up prayers for you.

jen said...

i am still sitting here thinking about you.

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

I came to you via lawyermama and will definitely be thinking positive thoughts for you and will be back to follow your story. You are so brave to share this and help so many by doing so.

Angela said...

Visiting from Lawyer Mama and sending up a prayer. Prayers from a stranger are powerful things. And you've got a lot going up right now. Praying for good news.

mamalang said...

Awww sweetie...you are cared for, and prayers and support abound. Please keep us posted.

Mommy off the Record said...

I'm here via Lawyer Mama. I pray that everything goes well for you and your family.

Bean said...

I also agree with sister, Her Grace & Becc. I'm one of those 'lumpy' breasted woman in the family as well. Positive thoughts will get you through this.

Teryn said...

Good thoughts to you.

Amanda said...

Umm, I can be the number you dial after sweet slouchy, and I'll be Flutter's sous chef. Thinking of you from over here in ritzy ditzy Connecticut.

Anonymous said...

Also here via lawyermama. Wishing you all the best and keeping you in my prayers.

The Happy Housewife said...

Prayer said.
Wishing you well.
Be strong.

moosh in indy. said...

Girl, I believe and I will say a dozen prayers for you and your lady lumps and humps.
Good luck.
Bloggy love all around.

canape said...

Well damn.

Of course you are in my thoughts and prayers. The waiting is so hard. You will make it though. You will find out what this is and get rid of it.

And we will stand right here with you through it all.

Leeanthro said...

I'm thinking of you, too. I just went through a round of mammograms and ultrasounds (and repeats). I know how the anticipatioin and waiting can feel. Hang in there.

Redneck Mommy said...

A big believer here, in the power of not only prayer but a positive attitude.

Looks to me you have both. But I'll fall on my knees for you and pray for your health and I wish you nothing but peace, joy and the very quickest recovery...no matter what the lump may have in store for you.

Aimee said...

Praying all the time, friend.

bgirl said...

oh jenn.

i can't believe i am reading this.
sending you strength, courage and positive thinking...which is only an addition to what you already possess.

crystal on my buddha for you sweet sister.

Gunfighter said...

I do believe, and I'll be praying for you, mightily.

GF

luckyzmom said...

I am praying.

ewe are here said...

Sending you lots of positive thoughts.

Whymommy said...

I am praying. I know this is a hard weekend for you. Stay positive. Stay distracted if you can. Hug your family. And know that 80% of all biopsies are NOT cancer.

I am SO PROUD of you for getting it checked out right away!

Email me if you want to chat about it. You'll be okay. I know you will. And I'll stay right here with you through it.

sinead@breastfeedingmums said...

I am praying that you will be fine... xox

Imstell said...

I'm here from WhyMommy. Hang tough. Think positive thoughts. You did the absolute right thing and you acted fast. Good for you. Prayers have been sent. You're not going thru this alone. We're all here with you.

Ally said...

Jenn, I do believe, and I will be praying for you. You are so very smart getting it checked out right away. I'm reaching right through your screen to give you a big, solid hug. I hope you can feel it.

Kim said...

I am sending positive thoughts your way that this is nothing but a little lump. It so good that you are being proactive about this. Hang in there.

Candygirlflies said...

Deep breaths, deep breaths. Know you are absolutely in my prayers.

But, NOT every lump is cancer... My mother has had three benign cysts in her breasts... We will hope and pray that something like that is what is happening to you.

You are SO wise to be on top of all of this, it is SO good that you played it safe and reported something that you felt was unusual!

Hang in there... We are all with you in spirit.

Kim said...

Here from WhyMommy and wanting you to know that no matter what happens I will pray for strength for you to find your way through the fear you must be feeling.

Sending you good thoughts for good health.....

What Works For Us said...

We certainly our sending you our thoughts and prayers. I had something similar happen to myself and it turned out to be a cyst.

Either way, you'll deal with it moment by moment and you WILL get through this.

dawn224 said...

Here through Whymommy... I've got your back :)

kgirl said...

Sending you nothing but the best thoughts. Truly.

Mommy said...

Praying for you here. Be well.

mamaDB said...

You are doing what you need to do and I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

Christy said...

I am sending so many prayers your way tonight! God does have a plan, be strong.

dreamingBIGdreams said...

I'm saying a prayer for you tonight as i go to bed.

coolbeans said...

Lifting you up in prayer today, Jenn. They're going to get you all fixed up lickedy-split.

Robin said...

I'm here via WhyMommy. I'm sending many good thoughts your way.

carrie said...

I am sending you all the good vibes I can muster. Good luck next week.

Carrie

Robin said...

*hugs* to you. I will continue to keep you and yorus in my thoughts.

Katherine said...

You're in my prayers, but here's hoping you won't need to be for long. Strength and love.

~Jennifer said...

praying for you...

Jacquie said...

This is my 1st time here I came via WhyMommy.
Praying all is well for you.

Stimey said...

Here from Slouching Mom and WhyMommy. Good luck! I'll be thinking of you and checking back.

Space Mom said...

WhyMommy sent me here. Sending you the best wishes I can imagine

Eva said...

thinking of you............

susan k said...

Jenn,

Whymommy sent me here.

Thinking of you, praying for that wonderful word that to me always sounds nasty, but isn't. Benign.

The waiting is hard, I know. why can't they tell then and there??? Stay strong. You found it. THAT is the best start.

Especially Heather said...

praying for you, and then praying some more....

Char said...

I read your post from Why Mommy's link, and had to comment. Keep a positive outlook, and remember to take a deep breath every time the world seems to envelop your mind with everything they are telling you. Also, if you have someone, take them with you to help you remember exactly what they said. My aunt recently went through the hoops of finding out she had breast cancer, and had my mom there by her side to help her. I wish you well if your journey....and you will be in my thoughts.

Manic Mommy said...

Can't remember how I got here. Positive thoughts are just directed prayers. I'm sending both your way.

~JJ! said...

WhyMommy sent me...

Stay positive.

I send you hugs.

~JJ! said...

WhyMommy sent me...

Stay positive.

I send you hugs.

ALM said...

Sending positive positve thoughts!

And just to let you know that I've had many lumps, biopsies, and lump removals and they've all (knock on wood) been fine.

Yours will, too.

Tina Girls AWBC Blog said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish with all my heart I could stop time and make this all go away for you or at least to give you the words to make you feel better.

useless_rambler said...

Here from Toddler Planet...

... praying.

tulipmom said...

Found your blog thanks to Lawyer Mama. I am thinking good thoughts for you and will be back to check on your progress.

Momish said...

You don't know me, but Lawyer Mama sent me here. I wanted to let you know that you'll be in my prayers.

jen said...

You are in my prayers. Oh! You are in my prayers.

Daisy said...

I went through this with my mom and one of my best friends back to back, within weeks of each other. Both are now doing well. I wish the same for you. XO and hugs and smiles, too.

Mom Unplugged said...

I don't know you, but I am thinking of you.

lildb said...

praying. absolutely.

NYFriend said...

Thanks to WhyMommy, I came to your post today. You should be so proud of yourself for knowing your body and listening to it. Continue to listen to your gut. You know you best. :)

Thinking of you and wishing you well!

justabeachkat said...

As a breast cancer survivor, I know that feeling of waiting to hear. And then the feeling of hearing. I've been where you are. You will get through this...with God's help. I know.

I've typed up some healing scriptures and would be happy to share them with you if you'd like them. My e-mail address is on my profile.

Hang in there.

Hugs!
Kat

Tracy said...

My thoughts and prayers going out to you ((HUGS))

stacey said...

OF COURSE!! Praying for you!

Tere said...

Saying a prayer for you...

Joy, of course said...

Oh Jenn. Oh no, no, no. I was on a blogging break. I didn't know. I am praying like crazy now. I am praying it's nothing. I am praying you stay positive and don't let your fears overwhelm you. WE are here, and we love you.

amygeekgrl said...

i came here via whymommy's blog and am thinking lots of positive thoughts for you.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Sending you lots of positive vibes. I went through an ultrasound, breast MRI and core biopsy in March and all turned out just fine. Hugs...just remember the odds are that it is nothing!

Pecos Blue said...

Sending positive thoughts and flow your way.

Heather said...

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

Anonymous said...

My family and I are sending a prayer and strength.

With Love and Hope,
A stranger who is with you in spirit.

mrs incredible said...

Crying in California. Praying in a moment.

They can fix it, and they will. Be strong.

JazzBrown said...

Hang in there. We are all praying for you. Please come vent and cry and bitch all your frustrations out. We'll be here for you.

Genuine said...

We Daddy Bloggers are praying too!