10 August 2007
Things That Go Lump in the Night
I woke up one day this week, and thought, "Hmmm, that feels odd".
And being of cautious (and hypochondriac--it's hereditary) mind, I made an appointment that very day.
Since my family doctor was out of town, I went to a different doctor in his office.
She performed an exam and told me I could put my bra and top back on, and that she'd be back in.
Minutes, maybe ten, passed when that little voice in my head told me maybe I wasn't imagining whispering outside of the door. Maybe it was really happening. And I clenched my hands together.
And about ten minutes after that, I nearly fell off the table when my arm slipped out from under me while I was leaning towards the door. Being paranoid does not make an already clumsy girl somehow graceful, you know.
And about twenty minutes after that, a knock in the door, but the person walking in first was not the doctor who had examined me.
"Hello, Jenn, I am Doctor X, Head of Something", I don't remember because simultaneously I was thinking, "this isn't good" and "why won't my first doctor look me in the eye"?
And so he asked me to remove my bra and top again so he could examine me.
And as he was there palpitating the lump in my breast, I was staring at the ceiling tile and through teary eyes, I thought, "oh, it kind of looks like stars in the sky". And then I thought, "oh, whymommy has a picture of stars in the sky on her blog". And then I thought, "I can't think anymore".
Doctor One and Two left, and told me to dress. They came back about fifteen minutes later, handing me a card for a needle aspiration biopsy. For today.
And so this morning, after putting on my new bling, I went for my appointment, where it didn't really go like I kept telling myself it would, and now, today, I am going back again. And I'm having surgery next week, as one of the doctors today told me that no matter the results of the biopsies, "the mass" in my breast would need to be removed, regardless.
And so when I'm stunned, I struggle to speak. And when he asked if I had any questions, all I could muster was a shake of my head. I'll ask them to my next doctor in a few minutes.
And I'm going to ask that you who believe, say a quick prayer.
And those that don't, for one minute, please do believe, and send up a quick prayer anyway.
And being of cautious (and hypochondriac--it's hereditary) mind, I made an appointment that very day.
Since my family doctor was out of town, I went to a different doctor in his office.
She performed an exam and told me I could put my bra and top back on, and that she'd be back in.
Minutes, maybe ten, passed when that little voice in my head told me maybe I wasn't imagining whispering outside of the door. Maybe it was really happening. And I clenched my hands together.
And about ten minutes after that, I nearly fell off the table when my arm slipped out from under me while I was leaning towards the door. Being paranoid does not make an already clumsy girl somehow graceful, you know.
And about twenty minutes after that, a knock in the door, but the person walking in first was not the doctor who had examined me.
"Hello, Jenn, I am Doctor X, Head of Something", I don't remember because simultaneously I was thinking, "this isn't good" and "why won't my first doctor look me in the eye"?
And so he asked me to remove my bra and top again so he could examine me.
And as he was there palpitating the lump in my breast, I was staring at the ceiling tile and through teary eyes, I thought, "oh, it kind of looks like stars in the sky". And then I thought, "oh, whymommy has a picture of stars in the sky on her blog". And then I thought, "I can't think anymore".
Doctor One and Two left, and told me to dress. They came back about fifteen minutes later, handing me a card for a needle aspiration biopsy. For today.
And so this morning, after putting on my new bling, I went for my appointment, where it didn't really go like I kept telling myself it would, and now, today, I am going back again. And I'm having surgery next week, as one of the doctors today told me that no matter the results of the biopsies, "the mass" in my breast would need to be removed, regardless.
And so when I'm stunned, I struggle to speak. And when he asked if I had any questions, all I could muster was a shake of my head. I'll ask them to my next doctor in a few minutes.
And I'm going to ask that you who believe, say a quick prayer.
And those that don't, for one minute, please do believe, and send up a quick prayer anyway.
121 Comments:
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Please, don't take them,
or it's off with your head.
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Finally leaving a comment after lurking forever. You are once again in my prayers....
Loving you sweets.
Hey. E-mail me (slouchingmom@comcast.net) if you want. I'll give you my phone number. If you wake up in the middle of the night sad, or scared, or bewildered, or nothing at all, call me. Please?
Jenn. I have grown to care about you A LOT. Please, please know I will be thinking about you nonstop.
And that I am here, via e-mail or phone.
Not only prayers, but thoughts and and hugs and whatever you need whenever you need it, however you need it.
Want I should fly out and be your personal chef for the rest of your life? You got it.
Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven
Positive thoughts and prayers being sent your way.
I am so sorry. Sending prayers and virtual chocolate chip cookies your way.
Today is my first reading of your blog, but please know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Kate
love,
'Blossoms
I'm sure you don't need me blubbering in your comments, so I'll pull myself together and tell you that I'll be thinking of you and I won't stop thinking about you until I hear that you're OK.
I'm saying prayers for you and really hope it turns out to be a benign mass. And, now I'm speechless.
Lifting a special prayer for you for strength.
And as soon as I FIND YOUR DAMN PHONE NUMBER, I'm calling you.
oh honey.
am sending you all the love and healthy vibes i can. i am also here offline if you need me. anytime.
You will get through this - and we'll all be thinking of you. Hang in there.
-Heather
I agree with your sister "Positive thoughts". You know I pray for you and The Queens always, but I'll beg for a favor on this one.
I love you SO much!!!!
...on a happier note - I think you may have to quit your job to have time enough to read all of these comments! Outstanding!!!!
I love you.
Peace,
~Chani
xoxo
Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.
Well girl, I DO believe and I DO pray, and I just said one for you before I began to type.
^5 for aggressive action on your part and aggressive reaction on your doctors part.
Sending you good wishes =)
xoxoxox
My heart just stopped. I'm thinking of you. And if we were closer I'd be giving you a reassuring hug.
Loving the power of the internet tonight.
You're in my prayers, my blogging buddy.
xoxo
It's just a cyst
It's just a cyst
It's just a cyst
It's just a cyst
Prayers are on their way.
Jennifer
Wishing you well.
Be strong.
Good luck.
Bloggy love all around.
Of course you are in my thoughts and prayers. The waiting is so hard. You will make it though. You will find out what this is and get rid of it.
And we will stand right here with you through it all.
Looks to me you have both. But I'll fall on my knees for you and pray for your health and I wish you nothing but peace, joy and the very quickest recovery...no matter what the lump may have in store for you.
i can't believe i am reading this.
sending you strength, courage and positive thinking...which is only an addition to what you already possess.
crystal on my buddha for you sweet sister.
GF
I am SO PROUD of you for getting it checked out right away!
Email me if you want to chat about it. You'll be okay. I know you will. And I'll stay right here with you through it.
But, NOT every lump is cancer... My mother has had three benign cysts in her breasts... We will hope and pray that something like that is what is happening to you.
You are SO wise to be on top of all of this, it is SO good that you played it safe and reported something that you felt was unusual!
Hang in there... We are all with you in spirit.
Sending you good thoughts for good health.....
Either way, you'll deal with it moment by moment and you WILL get through this.
Carrie
Praying all is well for you.
Whymommy sent me here.
Thinking of you, praying for that wonderful word that to me always sounds nasty, but isn't. Benign.
The waiting is hard, I know. why can't they tell then and there??? Stay strong. You found it. THAT is the best start.
Stay positive.
I send you hugs.
Stay positive.
I send you hugs.
And just to let you know that I've had many lumps, biopsies, and lump removals and they've all (knock on wood) been fine.
Yours will, too.
... praying.
Thinking of you and wishing you well!
I've typed up some healing scriptures and would be happy to share them with you if you'd like them. My e-mail address is on my profile.
Hang in there.
Hugs!
Kat
With Love and Hope,
A stranger who is with you in spirit.
They can fix it, and they will. Be strong.