17 May 2008

SOS! Urgent!

Seriously, folks?

As though the tights alone weren't an enormous enough crime against humanity?

Then to have my bootie (the same bootie that The Servant claims to need to squeeze because "it's too cute") spanked, be placed in a corner, then PHO-TO-GRAPHED while in an obvious state of torment?

Have I not suffered enough?

When is someone going to get me the number to CPS?

I am certain my caseworker will understand my need to:

1.) Empty the 80 or so pop cans out of the front closet from their containers, five minutes before the real estate agent shows up with potential sellers.

2.) Incessantly repeat, "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom", even while mom is saying, "what"?

3.) Throw items out the car window, then scream that I want them, forcing the Servant to turn around, even though we are late to Big A's game.

4.) Run from the Servant. Down a hill. At Big A's ball game. During which the Servant is supposed to be assisting with the coaching. Screaming the entire way, thereby guaranteeing all eyes are upon us, eliminating the otherwise certain spanking I'd have obtained.

5.) When caught, needing to slap the Servant in the face.

6.) Unraveling an entire roll of toilet paper, then trying to flush it down the toilet while the Servant is folding laundry.

7.) Opening nail polish (that, might I add, the Servant left out after painting my toenails), and dumping it on the floor.

8.) Stripping, then running out on the front porch naked. The Servant must learn not to leave the front door open. Ever. Even if it's just to clean up the front porch.

9.) Screaming when forced to be clothed again, kicking the Servant, throwing my milk, and tossing the bowl of cottage cheese across the floor.

Plus, the first person to provide me with the number will win a grand prize of a weekend with me.

Hello?

People?

Where are you?

Wait. I can be charming. I swear that I can.


Hello?

21 comments:

Karen said...

dear queen, focus on the positive, your tights are adorable. Best of luck, please don't run into traffic.

flutter said...

Oh ho my...THAT is a day, right there.

and those tights? NOT a crime against humanity, in the least...sorry kid!

Andrea said...

Oh! Little A! Hang in there! Auntie A will rescue you in just a few short days! That MEAN mom of yours never lets you have any fun, does she? ;)

Single Mom Seeking said...

We need more strong-willed, I-speak-my-mind girls like yours in our world. Here's to that sassy little A!

Demand More said...

It gets better I promise! Eventually you get to send her to school. I'm counting down the days till my 3 year old goes. Hang in there!

luckyzmom said...

But, Sweetie, those tights are adorable. And I know you think you NEED to do those things, but I was once a servant to a clever little girl a lot like you who liked to unroll toilet paper too as well as pull tissues out of the box til it was empty. She even plugged up a toilet with a cuccumber. She hasn't done any of those things for a long time now. She is now a servant herself to another clever little girl a lot like you. And this clever little girl makes up for everything!

Please assure your servant that this too shall pass!

Darn, I just can't seem to find the number.

Loralee Choate said...

Sorry, Kiddo, but I love the tights.

amanda said...

Oh little one, even in your tormented angry state- You are ADORABLE :)

amanda said...

And stop slapping your mom- she is one of the few that will always have your back, no matter what!

Julie Pippert said...

Just LOL'd through this whole thing. You captured toddler perfectly. And the mommy side, too, LOL.

jeanie said...

Okay, you poor poppins. Having to put up with all that adult disapproval when really, you were just exercising a little power. And when they take away toddler power, well, it is a moment for all toddlers to weep (or scream, hit, throw, lash out, bite, pull hair, hold breath...)

Poor mum.

twithhoney said...

I realize you couldn't use it all the time but I wonder if one of those kid leashes would help during the baseball games.

And I bet after all this she gives you a big hug and melts mommy's heart into a big puddle of mush, right?

Amy Y said...

Oh, Lil A... You should be happy you have a Mama like the one you do. If you were MY Lil A, you'd be far worse off than sitting in the corner. :)
Cute tights, though!
Now be a good girl, ya hear?

Madeleine Hardcastle said...

Sorry, Little A, but the Servant let you off easy. No sympathy here.

Amanda said...

867-5309.

snort.

x's and o's to you mama.

Janet said...

You're lucky you're so cute.

Mama Goose said...

Has she been sneaking out at night and secretly hanging out with my boy? He's been exhibiting many of these same behaviors - especially the slapping - so it's entirely possible she picked them up from him. Um. Sorry.

Kelly said...

I have my own little corner-sitter over here as well. Her infractions have included, in the past, biting me on the crotch. If the queen finds the number, be sure she doesn't pass it on to my Lily.

Christine said...

love this tights, kiddo. and i have to side with the servant on this one--never, ever slap a servant!

Totallyscrappy said...

Hey, didn't I see your wanted photo in the post office??? Yup... the tights gave you away!

bgirl said...

hilarious...
and sorry to say that i'm SO relieved to know i'm not the only mama who is wondering where my obedient, fun child went!