24 July 2007

Wherein I Remind Myself That I Saw Her Delivered From My Womb

"What is this"? Big A's right eyebrow arched to the point of looking photo-shopped; if she were going to pick a word for her on-line mood, it would be "appalled".

"That", stated I with as much authority as I could muster, "is typically called dinner. Eat up".

"The dessert is on our dinner plate". She grabbed Little A's spoon just in the knick of time to stop her from eating her (gasp!) dessert first.

"Mommy's tired. I don't care which order you eat your food in, just eat it. Please."

"Little A is going to eat.

her.
dessert.
first.

Do you think that's a good idea? Letting your kid eat cool-whip before corn"?

A stare-down ensued. Big A at the table with Little A, me at the counter, wiping crayon scribblings off the cupboard doors, not giving one iota of care as to what was consumed when, Little A, stuffing her face with pineapple and cool-whip via her hands.

"See? Do you see what she's doing now?" When I looked at Little A, her face covered in cool whip, I burst out laughing, which only added more fuel to the fire.

"Mom! How can you think this is funny? She's EATING COOL-WHIP FOR DINNER!" Her voice got as loud as it could without yelling, testing the limits of the allowable speaking decibel in our home.

I set down my Mr. Clean sponge and walked over to the table and touched Big A's shoulder, which she promptly drew away from me.

"Sweetie, I know it's hard for you to understand, but right now, if the worst that I can do is let you eat cool-whip before your corn on the cob, then I think I'm doing OK".

She looked up at me, no longer appalled, but aware that she was stuck in this existence, despite her fantasies and prayers of her real mom coming to find her someday.

"Fine. But don't expect me to clean up her puke from eating cool-whip before dinner".

Oh, Big A, I love you too.

24 comments:

Tara said...

Wow, Big A is quite the little mama. :) So cute. I love your writing style, you're so funny and real.

JMA said...

You'd think they would be gleeful and full of joy when we get to the "I don't give a crap" stage. Little ingrates. :)

Jungle Mama said...

I am rolling on the floor laughing!! How come I can totally see my own child pulling this same stunt on me. Not to mention my own inability to produce an appropriate meal at times ;)

T with Honey said...

Uh oh! I think you may need to borrow the sign my aunt has in her house. It says, "Because I'm the Mommy."

And, would she have cleaned up the puke if Little A threw up after eating dinner before dessert? Can she come stay at my house the next time the stomach bug hits?

Jonas said...

Never a dull moment in your domain! Such a pleasure to read...

JustMe said...

We MUST be related. Dinner last night for me and The Snake? Ice Cream. In my defense, he had jelly on his, which means he was eating from two of the food groups. Me? I just stuck with chocolate and caramel on top. :) LOL.

Ally said...

I cannot believe she said that. Unbelievable! Everyone's a critic...

Emptyman said...

Big A is quite the budding fascist. I think she needs to spend a few months on some Caribbean island working on a manana attitude. Or Saudi Arabia, so she can see the results of too much rigidity.

Major Bedhead said...

Heh. She has the imperious part of Queen-hood down, doesn't she?

Aimee said...

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!!!!!! Behold, the righteous indignation of the First Born towards Those Born Later. I know it so well, being a First Born, myself. :)

Becc said...

OMG! LMOA!!!

Are you sure they gave you the right baby at the hospital ?!?

I love this child!!!

slouching mom said...

You once told me that my Ben reminds you of Big A.

I'd say this post confirms that opinion.

LOL!

flutter said...

Oh that is beautiful, how funny

The Roberts Family said...

Sounds like a perfectly fine dinner to me...I choose Cool-Whip as a condiment on most days though!

Blog Antagonist said...

I remember reading once that it's actually a GOOD idea to do that occasionally, as it does not create a higher value for certain foods and thus make them more coveted. Makes sense, if you think about from the perspective of a 5 year old.

And yeah...if that's the worst thing you're doing as a parent...you're golden.

jen said...

it's funny how they assume the parenting role when we take a hiatus. last night the first thing M said when she walked in the door was "you should clean the carpet" after being gone a week.

dude. pass the cool whip.

mamalang said...

Oh yeah. On occassion, like birthdays, one day during vacation, etc, we suggest some sort of treat (usually ice cream) to replace a meal. The oldest will not do it...she must have "real food." The middle one, she wants meat, starch and veggie every single night...no pizza, no salads, no fast food. The youngest, he eats pretty much whatever I put in front of him. I feel your pain.

KC said...

I'm coming over for dinner.

Christine said...

i loved this post. it was about cool whip and little girls, but also so much more. your fatigue, love, etc. shone through brilliantly.

i think we should all eat cool whip for dinner sometimes.

Amanda said...

"...I burst out laughing."

Amen, Jenn. Keep laughing.

Jennifer said...

As the oldest among 3 girls, I so would have taken the role Big A did...and my mom would not have given a rat's ass what order things were being eaten in! If Big A continues down the path I took, you're going to have one mighty sassy teenager:)

Angela said...

Some days it is just best to be thankful that they are eating something

bjover said...

That was a cute one

karla said...

hi. I just found my way here from Amanda over at Tumble Dry. Your Queens sound so precious and adorable. :)