Victim Volunteer-minded individual needed to help serve the charming queens shown above.
Must have the following traits, philosophies and qualifications:
- Must value the under-appreciated art of laundry folding.
- Must subscribe to the philosophy that yes, if you wear a shirt for one nano-second, it is dirty, and thereby must be laundered. Also, if you insist that since you collect, wash, dry, sort and fold the laundry, you shouldn't also have to take care of it, you probably aren't the person for this position.
- Must possess a good sense of potty humor. (As in: you find humor in fishing the few valuables you have out of the toilet)
- Must have enough social grace not to stare, mouth agape, at excellent exhibitions of temper tantrums, nor chase the offender with a wooden spoon following one of those exhibitions in which, oh, for example, chocolate milk has been spewed across freshly mopped floors. (PS: When we say "mopped", we mean, scrubbed, on your hands and knees)
- Must be able to function at maximum capability on less than four hours of sleep.
- Should be able to appreciate the small joys in life, such as getting to run to the bathroom every ten minutes for false potty alarms.
- Must have the humility to admit your errors when you ignore one of the potty alarms and then have to clean up potty-ily fluids from the floor.
- Should not insist upon getting hearing checks scheduled for the Queens just because they appear, on most occasions, not to hear you.
- Must be able to sustain constant criticism and little positive feedback. Being able to make killer oatmeal/raisin/chocolate chip/walnut cookies can help in that department.
- Should not be the sort to ponder where a child learns to yell, but rather the type that is grateful that your children have functioning lungs.
- Should laugh hysterically at all farts, burps, mashed potatoes ground into the crevices of your hardwood flooring, food hidden in bedrooms, water dumped from the tub and onto the floor, despite twice daily preachings that one should not do that.
All interested applicants, please contact the castle IMMEDIATELY.
- Additionally, when we said "volunteer minded", we specifically were referring to the wages we are willing to offer.