15 February 2007

Wherein I Throw My Hands to the Heavens and Beg for a Mack Truck to end my Misery

"You're here every February," observed the new face on my mental dart board, formerly known as my pediatrician, "Yep, this is the third one in a row." Interesting tid-bit for you, dear readers, to stow away when playing Jenn trivia and selecting "Jenn's Least Favorite Month" for a thousand, Alex.

I mostly just wanted to get to the drug part--the part where he dispensed two sheets of paper that would deliver the Queens from what has ravaged them this past week, the same virus that is now settling into my bones.

Prior to him entering the room, it was a fiasco of giant proportions. I kept looking around for surveillance cameras, lest the real dwellers of the castle be exposed.

Little A was rolling around on the floor, farting, lifting up her shirt to display her "big fat belly" and "boofs", laughing while simultaneously gagging on the stuff rolling down the back of her throat.

Big A delivered this exact observation:
"She is ill-mannered and ill-behaved." (Eyebrows lifted from her head resting on the physician's desk. No, shockingly, she will not have 54 candles on her next birthday cake, just ten)

How can I argue with that, what with the gas passing and snarfing noises as a sound track?

Enter physician, who upon detailed inspection and various swabbing delivered the devastating news that he'd test for strep, but his educated guess was that it was the strain of flu that he'd been seeing for the past month.

The strain that lasts for TWO WEEKS. He then had the audacity to deliver no hope of treating it, like not even a plug for echinacea or anything. "Chicken soup and fluids," said he, as I thought, "Take me now Lord, please" and toyed with the idea of begging him to admit us to the hospital. A vacation, ya know?

We delivered the offensive swabs to the lab (*the bazillion dollars for the appointment and tests apparently does not include actual delivery of the swabs to the lab--we were responsible for that. This is totally a different post). Little A marveled at the wonder of the elevator, "We go up! We go down! We go up and down! Up and down! Up and down!" I'm not feeling so insistent today that education is a good thing.

Rather, I'm feeling like the mack truck of my current dreams side-swiped me and left me for dead. And I don't even get to bask in my sickness and have other people fawn over me and press cold compresses upon my forehead and rub my back as I vomit, because, somehow, I'm the mom. I'm doing all the good stuff that my loved ones did for me, once again reveling in how completely amazing they are, how totally blessed I am, how I'd give about anything to go back there, just for a day.


liv said...

Oh, honey. I know how it is. Nobody bails Mommy out. We did the sick thing last week and it was dreadful. Sick with sick kids and single is tough.

jen said...

oh babe. i've been wondering how you are.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh, that flu is brutal. It has hit here too. You poor thing. Single parenting is so hard. I usually think of stupid stuff like someone to take over making dinner once in a while. But being sick? Man, that jus blows. You need someone to pamper you too. Get better soon. And rest. Rest. Rest.

Hair Girl said...

I love to read your blog, you are an incredible writer.
I hope everyone feels better soon. Think Popsicles!

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Her Grace said...

Ahh, welcome to my January. Flu? Check. Stomach flu? Check? Seemingly never ending cough? Check.

Hang in there.

Amy Y said...

I always want my mom when I'm sick, 30 years later. Every time I have surgery I call her weeks in advance to come take care of the kids, I mean me.
Hope you all feel better soon... We've had an ick here too and it's no fun! :(

painted maypole said...

i have been sick for 4 weeks. MQ, however, remains quite hardy. she was sick for a day. which, ultimately, is lucky for me, too.

hope this passes at least a bit more quickly for you all!

Julie Pippert said...

Oh I'm sorry to laugh through your pain, but some of your lines were such a crack up!

Here are wishes for wellness that lasts!!

christina said...

And that's why I don't have kids :)

No husband for you. No kids for me.

Janet said...

Being The Mama comes with such fierce octaves of high and low notes that I just never imagined.

Feel better soon; all of you.

Beth said...

"a ghetto vacation" ha!

Sorry you and yours are under the weather. Hopefully you will be back to normal soon!

Jonas said...

I hope good health and good cheer flood your castle...soon!

Kimberly said...

So very and truly sorry, Jenn. We had that last month and it was pure hell.

Saying a prayer for you guys.

Angela said...

It is bad when all of you are sick at the same time.
I am sure you wanted your mommy.
I do when I am sick.

InTheFastLane said...

I think mom's don't get to have someone take care of them until they are too old to enjoy it. Hope you feel better soon.

Miss Britt said...

And mom always made it look easy.

When I'm taking care of sick kids, rubbing backs and brushing hair and holding cold wash cloths - I always wonder if my mom felt as frazzled as I do and was just better at hiding it.

KC said...

Oh, poor queens and poor servant.

Flu sucks. But at least there's an endpoint.

Hang in there, sister.

luckyzmom said...

God Bless you! Been there, done that and am in total sympathy!

Family Adventure said...

Oh, the sick makes us all want our mommy back. :(

Hang in there, Jenn!