07 June 2007

Replacement Parts Not Included

On my way into work this morning, I got behind a red Ford Mustang, who was driving in the "fast" lane. Except he was going less than fast. I have a couple of theories about cars and the stickers that people put on them:

1.) If you put a NASCAR sticker on your car, you must go at least 10 miles per hour over the speed limit.

2.) If you are driving what would be classified as a sports car, you are not allowed to drive in the fast line while toodling at the speed limit.

When we approached a stop light, I took the opportunity to switch lanes and pull up next to him. I looked over at him, all set to take a glance and put him in the file that I'd created for him:
"Small Penis, Toupee, Gold Jewelry". Instead, when I made eye contact with him, my heart lurched. What I saw in his eyes wasn't a fifty year old leering at me, it was Panic, shaken, not stirred with Sadness. I smiled at him and tried to give him a look implying that things would get better. Sometimes hope in the smallest form can save you.

I imagined the forces that brought him to that brand-spanking new Mustang that he didn't feel comfortable driving. Midlife crisis? Boredom in the bedroom? Freedom looking shinier than bikes with streamers and smatterings of soccer balls, hula hoops and stray shoes across the yard?

Funny the emptiness that comes with the purging of the familiar in the Quest for Something Better. Who'd have guessed that maybe there was nothing better than a minivan with car seats, Disney DVD's, old french fries and a familiar face reclining in the seat next to you?







11 comments:

KC said...

3) If you have a sticker of that comic figure Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes urinating, you are 10 times more likely to also have a sticker of naked lady silhouettes somewhere else on the vehicle. And drive a pick-up truck. And have a toothpick in your teeth.

I wonder too how he got behind the wheel of the Mustang. Maybe it was a church raffle winning ticket or something. Some really awesome church.

bjover said...

I think I heard that Nascar sticker thing somewhere else before.

I agree with u about the fast lane thing. I love passing on the right.

Christine said...

Oh man. Isn't it weird to expect one thing and then see something so wholly different that it shakes us? I, too, wonder how he got in that Mustang.

slouching mom said...

Oh, that's just so sad.

Lawyer Mama said...

Too funny. I wonder if he'd never driven a manual transmission before!

Aimee said...

Another bumper sticker that has got. to. go? "My other toy has tits." And when I pulled up next to the monstrous pick-up truck that displayed it? There was a woman driving it with a man (her man?) in the passenger seat. Maybe she's into auto-eroticism?

And yes, I have to remind myself every day that there really is nothing better than the minivan with my dear ones around me :)

deb said...

"Funny the emptiness that comes with the purging of the familiar in the Quest for Something Better. Who'd have guessed that maybe there was nothing better than a minivan with car seats, Disney DVD's, old french fries and a familiar face reclining in the seat next to you?"

Too true!

jen said...

so true. i wonder now if he's ok. a ton of metal can't help a wounded soul, no matter how many commericials try and tell us different.

BECC said...

Hey! That's me driving the Ford F250 pickup truck, loving Nascar, driving 10 mph over the speed limit, kids in the back, the smell of fries, and The Parent Trap on the DVD player...and probably another mom and kids in there with me too. Did you pass me?!? LOL

JustMe said...

It's kinda like that magazine ad -- kids screaming, fighting, mom going crazy -- and at the bottom it says "Some day they'll go off to college, and you'll miss this." Wet Oatmeal Kisses all over again. I remind myself of this daily, sometimes hourly -- though it's a little more challenging than I'd care to admit.

JustMe said...

It's kinda like that magazine ad: kids screaming, fighting, crying... mom going crazy...and at the bottom it says, "Some day they'll go off to college, and you'll miss this." Wet Oatmeal Kisses all over again. I remind myself of this daily, sometimes hourly. Though, living through it is slightly more challenging than I'd care to admit!