14 June 2007

Open Letter to the Universe

Dear Universe,

A cold sore?


Fine. I know that I'm not supposed to consume citrus products. BUT it was only like four tablespoons of lemon juice AND I wouldn't have drank it with my water if my abdomen wasn't so bloated from PMS that it hurt to breathe.

The flat tire?


Granted, I'll give you that it was funny to see the look on Big A's face when I told her that we finally got shot at in the ghetto, but it was so not worth it.  

Her day had already been destroyed by my horrific acts of mothering, due to sending her to her best friends birthday party at the roller rink without a gift. 

 Yes, I know that I told her I had the gift. And I told her friends mom that. And we talk to or see them like every.single.day., but the stress of not having the gift caused her to wipe out at the rink, because we all freaking know that there are like ZERO other factors that would cause a ten year old to wipe out in a roller rink full of children. 

The wipe out caused emotional trauma, which was compounded at softball practice when she got hit in the leg with the ball, which wouldn't have happened had she brought a gift to the party and been able to focus on fielding. Add to this the utter, total, complete humiliation of people "looking at us" because we were standing next to a car that was a tad tilted--seriously, you crushed her, via me. So thanks for that.

And 29 degrees? Do you OWN a calendar? It is spring. "Sleet" is not a word that should be coming from the weather-persons mouth. April, May and June are the months that I am supposed to be catching up on my monstrous electric bill, Universe. Sure, the words "quaint" and "charming" come to mind when you enter my house, but let me run a few more words by you: "Prostitution" and "Stripper Poles". Because those are the words that come to mind when I open my bill. Seriously, it needs to get warm. Like, today.

In complete sincerity, my deepest thanks for those that I know I can count on; that never faltered; that have been swimming beside me; that answer the phone when I'm standing roadside with a "tilted" car and two little Queens in tow. Please be kind to them and keep them with us.

Most sincerely,


Sunshine said...

Can I get in on that temperature complaint? Thanks, the Universe sucks here too when I was 33 degrees as I packed the kiddos off to school this morning.


Amy Y said...

Flat tire, cold sore and sleet all in one week? This can only mean one thing ~ next week.... will be better! :)

NotAMeanGirl said...

God it SUCKS when the Universe decides to bitch slap you! Just focus on the good that came with the bad. It makes life bearable! :) Hugs

slouching mom said...

Your Big A and my Ben? Two peas in a pod. No doubt in my mind.

flutter said...

No. Shit.

painted maypole said...

dear universe,

send a lot of love Jenn's way, would ya?


Painted Maypole

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Man, oh man, you deserve a break. A BIG one!
Hang in and hang on!

Anonymous said...

You are asking too much of yourself and trying too hard to be perfect. Softball and birthday parties in one day, along with work responsibilities and child responsibilities all week long? Of course you are going to forget the B-day present, and it's going to seem a lot worse when you get a flat tire or even a cold sore because you are already frustrated and stressed out.

I firmly believe that before you can be good to your children, you must be good to yourself. Just a thought.

jen said...

what is that about lemons and lemonade? sugar helps, yes?

luckyzmom said...

Ah haw! Sending you warmest wishes and I had no idea about citrus and coldsore.

You will probably hear about the present incident well into her thirties!

bgirl said...

hilarious. can you just add my name to the bottom, next to yours!